It’s not really the punch lines themselves (which are just e-mail spam subject lines) as much as it is how they’re presented that makes Spamusement so funny.
Enhance your anatomy
Posted by Ben on September 4, 2004
https://www.swordbilled.com/enhance-your-anatomy/
Mimic (**1/2)
(1997) Guillermo del Toro – Mira Sorvino, Jeremy Northam, Josh Brolin, Giancarlo Giannini, Charles S. Dutton
Synopsis: In some corners (allmovie, for instance), the plot of Mimic is encapsulated in some description of “shape-shifting bugs,” which I’d like to point out as being patently false. The bugs in Mimic are not shape-shifting; they mimic humans in more general (and actually more plausible, if no less unbelievable) ways.
Review: Mimic’s decent. I’m not going to waste much time reviewing it. The premise is relatively solid, as horror movies go. Particularly as horror movies “based” in science go, seeing as the science of horror movies is generally not comprehensive. Despite the fact that it ultimately degenerates into a pretty run-of-the-mill us-against-them film (‘them’ in this case being the giant bugs [hope I didn’t spoil the surprise for you]), at least Mimic makes an effort to be vaguely believable, even if only in some idealistic sense. It would have been easy for the writers (or director or whoever) to jump from “the bugs we released are evolving” to “the bugs are sentient, shape-shifting entities that have built a civilization and, in addition to performing their own limited-production plays, are hell-bent on enslaving the human race.” In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the basis for the sequels (‘Mimic 2: Hardshell’ and ‘Mimic: Sentinel’), which I have absolutely no intent of ever seeing. At any rate, Mimic is competent. I’ll let it rest at that.
Rating: [••½] out of [•••••]
Posted by Ben on September 4, 2004
https://www.swordbilled.com/mimic/
Scream
So, you’ve just swiped one of the most prized and recognized artworks on the planet. Good work, Mr. Brazen Thief Man!
So, Munch’s the Scream was stolen.
Well, there’s really nothing like high profile art theft to make a good story.
Although two guys dressed in black, toting guns, and making a getaway in an Audi A6 (with $100 million worth in un-sellable art) isn’t even as spectacular as the 1990 Gardner Museum theft, which, despite being the biggest art theft in US history, remains unsolved.
(The story being: So, two Boston “cops” walk into the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in the wee hours of the morning, telling the museum security they were responding to a call of a disturbance. Despite being against museum regs, the security detail let in the cops—despite the fact that both of them were sporting fake mutaches. Shiny, thin, black mustaches, at that. In return for the security guards’ hospitality, the friendly art thieves tied them up and stashed them in the basement. Proceeding thus to steal artwork valued at anywhere from $100- to $300-million1.)
Anyway, maybe the Scream and its buddy, Madonna, will resurface. And maybe they won’t.
Notes:
- as long as you exclude the ABC News article that inexplicably puffs the figure up to $500 million
Posted by Ben on September 2, 2004
https://www.swordbilled.com/scream/
Best of Lethal Nonlethal Weapon Brainstorming
Do you like inventing nonlethal weapons, but find yourself falling short on ideas? Look here, where you can find all SORTS of ideas for nonlethal weapons, thanks to the folks at the USAF Institute for National Security Studies. The one problem being that the authors seem to be a little unclear on the concept of NONLETHAL:
“Hologram, Death. Hologram used to scare a target individual to death. Example, a drug lord with a weak heart sees the ghost of his dead rival appearing at his bedside and dies of fright [149:4].”
The last time I checked, death was pretty lethal. But, you know.
Also, half the things in this list of nonlethal weapon ideas seem like stuff that could’ve been dreamed up by seventh graders (which is to say quirkily brilliant but highly impractical and pretty far-fetched in general)—hardly the province of crazy-smart scientists with Ph.Ds and what-have-you. Anyway, it’s kind of an interesting list.
(via MeFi)
Posted by Ben on September 2, 2004
https://www.swordbilled.com/best-of-lethal-nonlethal-weapon-brainstorming/
2 Random Reading Lists
1:
You can find some people’s idea of the best reads of 2004 and 1/2 here, tucked away on an obscure mailing list of some sort. It’s an interesting list, though it would be nice if it had at least some kind of indication what the books are about, or how many people (from the mailing list) suggested each one. Because, for instance, the book Word Freak: Heartbreak, Triumph, Genius and Obsession in the World of Competitive Scrabble Players might have been suggested by one lone reader, or it might have been well-received, with 317 people suggesting it on account of its sheer goodness. Which would be quite helpful. But it’s a list, anyway.
(via LII)
2:
At How To Save the World, you get a list (annotated, this time) of 56 potentially life-changing books and articles, what b&a the blog author says changed his worldview. It’s a good list.
Posted by Ben on August 31, 2004
https://www.swordbilled.com/2-random-reading-lists/
Jerry weighs in on Eco-policy blunders!
Apologies for the unnecessary exclamation point. But I had to draw your attention in somehow, and now that you’re here, let me say what I have to say and get it over with.
The editor of the American Chemical Society (of all organizations) rants on idiotic environmental non-policies.
On his list—allegedly “inspired by TV’s David Letterman” (as compared to, say, radio’s David Letterman?), since, as we all know, top 10 lists had previously been undiscovered—are: the failure to properly address invasive species (#8); the abominable and too-extreme use of fertilizers & pesticides in suburban lawns and whatnot (#10); a junk water policy (#6); perverse taxes/subsidies (#5); and crap fuel and energy policy (a no-brainer, this takes up #s 2, 3 and 4), among other things.
(“Top 10 stupid environmental policies,” by Jerald L. Schnoor [July 1, 2004]; via PLANETizen)
Posted by Ben on August 31, 2004
https://www.swordbilled.com/jerry-weighs-in-on-eco-policy-blunders/
Mad cow, mad cow, what ya gonna do
- New Scientist looks at trials of a drug thought to hold potential in treating vCJD. The trial will look at an anti-malarial drug (of all things) that seems to have some promise in the whole mad cow arena.
- The Guardian provides a handy-dandy Q&A format article on BSE/vCJD—giving, among other things, a straightforward, helpful explanation of the CJDs (Sporadic, Variant, etc.). Curiously, the article does not mention the “mad cow” appellation, assuming—probably—that by now people have heard the acronym BSE knocked around often enough to know it’s mad cow disease.
(New Scientist: “Trial of treatments for vCJD to launch,” by Andy Coghlan [August 5, 2004]; Guardian: “vCJD,” by James Meikle [August 6, 2004])
Posted by Ben on August 31, 2004
https://www.swordbilled.com/bse-rundown/
Chuck Palahniuk: Stranger than fiction
Robert Chalmers of the Independent interviews Chuck Palahniuk in a piece called “Chuck Palahniuk: Stranger than Fiction.” By the sound of things, it’s likely to be one of very few interviews (of its particular flavor) to come from the author for a while—a fact that’s notable mostly in Palahniuk’s statement against ‘personal profiles,’ of which the aforelinked article is one.
For newbies, “Chuck Palahniuk: Stranger than Fiction” is a pretty good backgrounder on the author. It gives you a relatively good sense of the eccentric, authorial personal Palahniuk has tried—successfully, for the most part—to cultivate. It also gives you a relatively good sense of how trying to cultivate a particular persona for whatever purpose can distort your view of reality, not to mention your view of yourself. Part of it’s maybe the need to sculpt actual opinions to appropriately reflect the image you’re trying to offer the public, which in turn becomes internalized to the extent that sculpted opinions become your actual opinions, to the discomfort of your real self. (Or maybe not; I certainly wouldn’t know, though it’s interesting to speculate.)
Chalmers shows us this confusion:
Palahniuk is noticeably ill at ease here in a public space in Portland, the city where he’d lived for almost 25 years before his recent move. He says he’s widely disliked for Fugitives and Refugees, his entertaining travel book on the city which was published last year. It alienated locals so intensely, he claims, that he decided to move up the coast. “I am persona non grata in this town,” he says.
(“If he really believes that,” a Portland journalist told me, “he is insane. People here are proud of him.” Like cartoonist John Callahan, the band Pink Martini, or Katherine Dunn, author of Geek Love, the reporter adds, “Palahniuk is a quirky claim to fame for a city that has few others.”)
Anyway, it’s an interesting interview-slash-profile, running the gamut of topics. Palahniuk’s book, Non-Fiction, is the unifying theme (well, and the author himself), but you’ll find tidbits on writing philosophy, confrontation, traffic, autopsy photos, shoplifting, and about a dozen other topics.
But, like the man says, “Chuck Palahniuk is, admittedly, not for everybody.”
(Independent: “Chuck Palahniuk: Stranger than fiction,” by Robert Chalmers [August 1, 2004])
Posted by Ben on August 29, 2004
https://www.swordbilled.com/chuck-palahniuk-stranger-than-fiction/
21 Grams (****1/2)
(2003) dir. Alejandro González Iñárritu – Sean Penn, Naomi Watts, Benicio Del Toro, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Melissa Leo et al.
Synopsis: 21 Grams is a story of guilt and suffering, pain and redemption, etc.; it’s a story of three people and their families, and how their lives become hopelessly entangled. I won’t say any more; it’s difficult to say much about the plot without giving away too much, since the movie’s set up in a nonlinear fashion.
Review: I’m a big fan of nonlinearity. In ’21 Grams’, it’s not an absolutely necessary device (as in, e.g., Memento), but it’s put to good use nonetheless. It helps mold an already-interesting story into something more, infusing mystery into scenes that would be otherwise straightforward, and redirecting suspense—telling you the outcome and letting you wonder how they get there. Which, admittedly, can sound a little lame, but in the case of ’21 Grams’ isn’t. Having a vague but fairly straightforward idea of how the movie will end early on doesn’t help, because very little of what you see makes sense in relation to how you know the timeline starts out. It’s almost (though not quite) like watching two different movies with the same cast spliced randomly together. But, as they say, that’s not all. Performances are outstanding all around. Naomi Watts (Mulholland Drive [••••½], The Ring) does very well in vastly different scenes; Sean Penn and Benecio Del Toro both do great jobs in the strange roles into which they’re thrown (or ‘cast,’ if you prefer). I could have gone without Paul Rivers (Penn) reciting South American poetry to Cristina (Watts), but the quip about kidney damage probably offsets it, so no harm, no foul. Although pinpointing any particular actor is probably unfair because, as I said, performances are outstanding all around. Nor do I mean, the ‘main’ performances—all the actors, from Denis O’Hare as Dr. Rothberg to Antef A. Harris as ‘Basketball Guy’ to Lew Temple as the County Sheriff, do exceptionally well in their roles. The team of Iñárritu (directing), Arriaga (writing), and Santaolalla (composing) did quite well on ‘Amores Perros’ [••••], and did even better on ’21 Grams.’ I’m eager to see what they do next.
Rating: [••••½] out of [•••••]
Posted by Ben on August 29, 2004
https://www.swordbilled.com/21-grams/
Always wanted to direct, but never had the time?
Pick the setting, background, cast, script, soundtrack, and titles, then sit back and watch the brilliance unfold. Or not, as the case may be. (The music gets a little repetitive when it comes time for the actual movie.)
(via MeFi)
Posted by Ben on August 27, 2004
https://www.swordbilled.com/always-wanted-to-direct-but-never-had-the-time/