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Invisible Monsters

Chuck Palahniuk’s work is really something of a canon. Don’t be confused by all the different character names and crazy plot twists that happen from one book to the next; it’s really all part of the same story. Just because they have different names and different problems and different scams (and they all have scams) doesn’t mean they’re not trying to tell the same story.

What’s interesting is that, you’re never quite sure what that story is.

Invisible Monsters is about a model who suffers a horrible accident—which might or might not be an accident—that leaves her face horribly disfigured and, unsurprisingly, puts a kink in her modeling career.

It’s about her thinking back to her life as a model.
It’s about her coming to terms with her horrible disfigurement and figuring out what it means.
It’s about the strange and wonderful people she meets along the way.

It’s about a lot of things, really.

Like basically all of Palahniuk’s novels, this one’s a quick read. There’s a certain, compelling urgency in the writing, which makes it feel fast while you’re reading it. The sentences aren’t long, and there’s a kind of rhythm to it.

The speed of the writing lets Palahniuk do some interesting things.

Like: tell you crucial information that you don’t realize is crucial or even relevant until after you’re hit with the sudden plot twist where the information comes flooding back.

Kind of like Fight Club (the movie or the book) where everything starts to make sense for the narrator. For you movie-watchers, that would be Ed Norton.

At any rate, Invisible Monsters wouldn’t be a bad introduction to Palahniuk’s writing (though why wouldn’t you start with Fight Club?). IM rates alongside Lullaby and Fight Club as Palahniuk’s best, though if you’re wondering, Choke and Survivor are great, too.

The Dirty Nitty-Gritty Truth of The Policeman’s Beard

Earlier I mentioned a book allegedly written by a computer; that book is The Policeman’s Beard is Half-Constructed.

In trying to find the title of the book, I inadvertently stumbled across the revelation (which I’ll admit isn’t exactly earth-shaking) that the book, contrary to the claims of its introduction, was probably not written entirely by a computer. The truth likely being that parts of it were written by a computer program, with other parts being produced through highly specialized criteria, and other parts yet being (possibly) written purely by the human co-author. (Though from my brief inquiry into the matter I haven’t found anyone who’s outright said it’s 100% not even partially a product of a computer program.)

Fears of robotic overperfection seem sadly unwarranted.

(Though in fairness, “The Policeman’s Beard is Half-Constructed” is still kinda a funny book regardless who the actual author is—man or machine—albeit funny in a quixotic sort of way.)

Real Violence

A study by a Johns Hopkins team of 97 boys and girls showed that exposure to photos of real gunshot wounds can significantly influence youths’ attitudes, making them less likely to believe that aggression can solve conflict, and probably also less likely to resort to violence in any instance:

“Our study suggests that the kind of romanticized version of violence shown on television can be countered by more frank and open discussions and displays of what violence really does to the body,” says David C. Chang.

(via EurekAlert!: “Graphic images of violence alter children’s attitudes toward aggression” [May 12, 2004])

A Loving Story of the Po-po and their Lamborghini

I honestly think I prefer the Murciélago, but, you know—you take what you can get.

“Italian police took possession Friday of a sleek, 500 horsepower, two-seater Lamborghini Gallardo, which can hit a top speed of 185 miles per hour.

“The sports car, painted in the police’s distinctive blue and white colors, comes complete with a flashing blue light on the roof and will initially patrol the Salerno-Reggio Calabria motorway — a road notorious in Italy for wild driving.

“The Lamborghini will also be used to transport human organs for emergency operations.”

It’s nice to know that the car’s going to be used for transporting organs. I think it gives the car a kind of quaint, humble quality. (Also, in the interests of providing the best information available [which is always my goal], I should note that the 185mph figure’s probably wrong—should be more like 192 or 193mph).

(via Reuters: “The Cops Are Chasing Me in a WHAT?” [May 14, 2004])

Ruthless Reading

ruthlessly read booksOn Hotmail this morning (and possibly earlier), there’s a blurb in the one side-bar that says, How to be a Ruthless Reader. Curious, I investigated. Suffice it to say, the tips are far from helpful.

Here are my own tips for Ruthless Reading.

  • First, lull the book into a sense of complacency and false security by allowing it to sit, untouched, for months or—depending on your own Machiavellian patience—years. This softens them up, making them forget all the techniques they’ve learned for dealing with cruel readers (like you).
  • Once you’re fairly certain the book is in a daze, grab it forcibly from the shelf (or from on that stack of books on your dresser, desk, etc.) and fling it across the room. Ideally, you should throw it far enough to drive fear into its paper-pulp heart.
  • Before the dust’s had a chance to settle, begin reading. As you go, cast disparaging comments at the book and author (e.g., “what a lousy author,” “what the hell does acephalic even mean?” and “what a sorry excuse for a book if ever there was one”). Tear out pages as you finish them, crumpling them up and tossing them casually onto the floor.
  • Occasionally spill a drink on the book. Coffee or, if you’re not a coffee drinker or would prefer not to waste coffee on a book, tea (Vice-versa if you’re so inclined). Food, too. In fact, the most ruthless readers use books as place-mats for their meals, not even bothering to use plates but setting the food directly onto the spread pages of the book. My personal favorite in this case is spaghetti, but I’ve heard that buffalo wings and beef stew work equally well.
  • When not reading the book or eating off of it, set it in direct sunlight, or in a sink, or in plain sight of small children and/or family pets. The truly ruthless readers keep large hungry wolfhounds solely for the purpose of distressing their books.
  • Once you’re finished reading the book (and have ripped out the last pages), put what’s left of it into an envelope and send it to the publisher, with a polite note about your personal distaste for the book’s analytic style (or some similarly appropriate comment; this will vary depending on the book you’re reading—a comment about the narrative framework would be wholly inappropriate for, say, a book of photographs).

And that, my friends, is how to be a ruthless reader.

(inspired by MSN’s Equipped for Success: Tips for the Mobile Professional, “Ruthless Reading”; photo is from http://www.mff.cuni.cz/fakulta/lib/voda/foto.htm, a page portraying images of a destroyed mathematical library)

Tigers, Wal-Mart, and Schwarzenneger (Oh My)

  • In Thailand, Buddhists find that tigers and humans can live together in harmony. Not only that, but the tigers, which live in a Buddhist temple, also coexist with the “monkeys, horses, deer, peacocks, geese and wild pigs” that live in the same area. The tigers are fed dog food and, if the article is to be believed, are satisfied with that. It’s actually kind of interesting. (AFP: “Thai Buddhist monks share temple with endangered tigers” [May 9, 2004])
  • Sez VP Cheney: “The story of Wal-Mart exemplifies some of the very best qualities in our country — hard work, the spirit of enterprise, fair dealing, and integrity.” Paul Waldman asks the question, ‘why’s Dick so enthusiastic about Wal-Mart?’ (paraphrased) and comes up with several possible answers. Like, maybe it’s Wal-Mart’s low wages, or its canny use of sweatshop labor, or its antipathy to collective bargaining. While Waldman doesn’t actually ask the real question of why Cheney traveled to Bentonville to sing praises of the company, it’s still an interesting article, and a pretty concise summation of the problems with Wal-Mart. Though the real answer to the question ‘Why was Cheney at Wal-Mart?’ is also potentially troubling, since the trip, designated “official business” and paid for by gov’t funds, may have [brace yourself] had political purposes, and therefore not been eligible for White House funds. The National Review basically states that the visit was for campaigning, which is kind of curious. (Gadflyer: “Cheney Sings Wal-Mart’s Praises” by Paul Waldman via AlterNet; Times Record: “Cheney Visit Draws Capitol Hill Scrutiny” by Alison Vekshin [May 19, 2004])
  • Sheila Cassidy is interviewed by The Guardian for her thoughts on the Iraqi Torture scandal. What makes her thoughts interesting is that, in the 1970s, Cassidy was a victim of torture under the Pinochet government in Chile. Cassidy:

    “Torture is not just a one-off, something that happens one day. There is the post-traumatic stress it causes, to different degrees in different people. It’s always there.”

    It’s a worthwhile read. Not unreasonable parallels are drawn between what happened in Chile and what’s happening in Iraq; while Dr. Cassidy doesn’t claim the situations are identical, she makes important connections, e.g., the conceptualization of the Iraqis as people who are not like us (Americans/ ‘Westerners’). (Guardian: “The idea exists that Iraqis are not like us” by Mark Oliver)

  • Curiously, in contrast to other Republican governors (e.g., George Pataki and also the governors of MN, TX, AR, NH, MD, and SD), Gov. Schwarzenegger hasn’t done any campaigning for Bush, nor has he really criticized John Kerry. The LA Times has an interesting article on Schwarzenneger’s “reticence” in this particular area. (LA Times: “Schwarzenegger is reticent on Bush campaign” by Robert Salladay [May 18, 2004] via BoGlo)

The brilliance of robotic pharmacy solicitations

I almost deleted this comment that showed up on one of my posts without a second thought—it’s kind of the standard-issue blogspam that shows up from time to time—but then realized that, maybe, just maybe, it’s actually brilliant:

and it’s not as if all that tramadol doesn’t corrected in the studio soma nowadays anyway! I’m beginning pharmacy to think that Mark’s and others’ levitra fears of robotic overperfection celexa are completely justified. LaToya celexa London is surely the ultimate prozac example of this; I quite liked ultram her early on, and undoubtedly online pharmacy. (links removed, sorry)

My favorite part, I think, is the “fears of robotic overperfection.” Seriously, where do they get this stuff? It’s crazygenius.

Which reminds me of a book I ran across that’s written by a computer. Except it’s probably not exactly what you’re thinking, and it was written during the Eighties. Early 80s, I think. Here are two samples from the book (two of my favorites), just to whet your appetite.

Sample #1:

“More than iron, more than lead, more than gold I need electricity. I need it more than I need lamb or pork or lettuce or cucumber. I need it for my dreams.”

Sample #2:

“A sturdy dove flies over a starving beaver. The dove watches the beaver and fantasizes that the beaver will chew some steak and lamb and lettuce. The beaver spies the dover and dreams of enrapturing and enthralling pleasures, of hedge adorned avenues studded with immense pink cottages, of streets decorated with bushes and shrubs. The beaver is insane. The dove wings across the dark sky and the beaver ponders his fantasies.”

I’ll post the book’s title when I find it.

Update:
The title of the book is The Policeman’s Beard is Half-Constructed. Though it turns out my faith in technology was a little misplaced, the book not being quite the genuine article it claims to be; details here.

It ends with Lila and Sal

It ends with Lila and Sal. They’re at the center of the action. That’s how it ends.

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Palme D’Or

Congratulations to Mike and the fine crew who helped craft the yet-to-be-released documentary Fahrenheit 9/11; the movie won top honors at the Cannes Film Festival.