Irrelevance

So I hear 2004 has begun. I’m excited.

No, not about new generations of petrochemical-based food wrap. No, not about new special-effects-studded blockbuster failures. No, not about new technological advances in underarm deodorant.

Not about brilliant new television commercials. Not new state-of-the-art NASA-researched hybrid polymer-fabric textiles. Not fantastic retailing inroads.

(I’m not sure what I just said makes sense, but in any case, I’m not excited about it.)

I’m not even excited about the ballooning opportunities for satire, the exponentially growing targets of ridicule.

Now that I think of it, I’m not excited. But I have hopes for 2005.

Pizza, Pizza, Pizza!!! 2003

From a survey of Domino’s pizza delivery drivers:

best pizza tip $$ nights of the year:
1. capture of Saddam Hussein
2. Madonna/Britney kiss

most common fake names used:
1. Paris Hilton
2. John Ashcroft

Other interesting facts gleaned from the survey:

  • “people with “Dean for President” bumper stickers on cars in their driveways tipped 22 percent higher than people with “Bush for President” bumper stickers”
  • “Bush for President” bumper sticker holders 3x more likely to order meat toppings than Dean sticker folks

from a Reuters article

Quote: “One thing that feeds public concern is knowledge”

By their dramatic nature, earthquakes and catastrophic floods are the sort of human tragedies that always grab the world’s attention and evoke the sympathy that inspires individuals and governments to reach for their checkbooks.

And when an earthquake renders 70,000 people homeless on the day after Christmas, when people in Western countries are feeling especially comfortable, “it tugs on their heartstrings,” suggests Mr. Pearn.

(via Christian Science Monitor, December 31)

Also from Harper’s

A South African beauty queen was mauled by a hippo in Botswana, and a large crocodile ate a young man in Australia. Piranha attacks were on the rise in Brazil.

A Spongiform Timeline, Mad Cow, Mad Cow!

A brief history of that devilish cow-spawned disease, gleaned from Harpers (the history gleaned from Harpers, that is—not the disease). Enjoy!

(note: dates refer to week, and not necessarily the exact day of events)

2000

Aug 1: British Health Dept Bulletin states that 500,000 people could die from BSE by 2030. Happy day.

Nov 28: Spain and Germany both discover their first cases of mad cow disease.

2001

Jan 16: US agriculture officials continue to insist that Americans are at little risk. Little risk! Little risk!

Jan 23: Italy discovers first mad cow.

Feb 27: Italy confirms its 3rd case of BSE; Sweden “insists on purity of its herds”; Russia’s veterinarian blames mad cow on Jews.

June 12: Mad cow rears its ugly head in the Czech Republic.

July 10: Greece finds a mad cow.

2002

May 21: Failing diagnosis, a vet in Japan does herself in: “I’m so sorry for my unforgivable fault as a veterinarian”

June 11: Israel confirms first case

Aug 13: A canadian death.

Oct 22: Woman in Florida dies… infected in England? Or…

2003

Apr 8: Three deer hunters—two of them friends—die of Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease (the human variant of mad-cow); CDC declines to investigate whether disease comes from infected deer meat, because there’s no evidence the hunters ate the infected meat. How simple!

Dec 24: Happy holidays: Mad Cow Disease discovered in U.S.

Dec 25: The Nobel laureate who discovered prions (the rogue proteins that cause mad cow disease) contradicts claims of gov’t officials, and thinks the disease is already widespread. His words: “They treat the disease as if it were an infection that you can contain by quarantining animals on farms. It’s as though my work of the last 20 years did not exist.”

Dec 27: President continues to eat Beef. Yum. Officials hope to blame Canada.

2004

???

2003 Movies In Review

A special note: these are, for the most part, not movies that were released in 2003, but movies that I watched in 2003. Viola, I get to list movies like ‘Death to Smoochy,’ ‘Exotica,’ and ‘Boondock Saints’ alongside ‘X2’ and ‘Identity.’

What fun this is.

Categories are basically arbitrary. They are Foreign films, and movies I watched In The Theater (i.e., actual 2002/2003 releases), movies by director (for a select few: David Lynch, David Mamet, and Paul Verhoeven), the catch-all Miscellany, and the dregs.

In fact, the Dregs category, movies to avoid, may end up being more helpful to you than the sum total of my actual recommendations. Then again, maybe not.

Read the full post »

Warm and Fuzzy

Fiction (from a story):

…Jane Doe lived on North Street Drive when the CJD first would have manifested itself… Unlike its ‘partner-in-crime’ vCJD, Jane Doe’s form is not linked in any way to contaminated beef. Said Tom Hahn, of the National Cattleman’s Beef Association, “people are scared of the littlest things these days. They hear one mention of this ‘mad cow disease’ thingy and they assume the whole U.S. is infected. Well, that’s not true. I think that… the facts of Jane Doe’s case prove that beef is indeed very safe to eat-and indeed, a necessary part of a healthy diet. While it doesn’t prove anything, I think it’s telling that Jane Doe was never known to eat beef. Maybe it was the lack of beef in her diet that brought this on, and maybe it wasn’t. Me, I certainly wouldn’t want to take the chance.” …

Not Fiction (from the New York Times “First US Case of Mad Cow Reported”):

“Only the brain, spinal cord and related parts can spread the disease to humans, [agriculture secretary] Veneman said, and she added that she intended to serve beef to her family at Christmas.” (New York Times)

I’m tingling all over. I can’t wait to find out if Santa filled my Christmas stocking with steak, just like I’d asked. I can only hope. Tomorrow I guess I’ll find out.

Please, Santa, please.

Just try and shake yer stick

More top 10/best-of/favorites of 2003 lists than you can shake a stick at, courtesy of those fun DJ-type people at WFMU. Best experiences. Favorite music. Everything. Most-liked numbers.

I can only dream of living in Jersey City.

(And, as much as I dig WFMU, I’d basically like to keep it that way.)

2003 readinglist review

Here it is, the thoroughly unnecessary year-end list that you haven’t been waiting for, i.e., some-books-I’ve-read-in-2003-and-think-you-might-like-to-read.

Split into two groups, you will find (1) books that I would recommend with blind fervor [“must-reads”] and (2) books that are fun, competent and/or generally good to read [“decent books”], and that I would recommend, but not as unequivocally as those in the first list. All the books in these somewhat haphazard lists are ones I’ve read this year. That said, those that I’ve read toward the beginning of the year I certainly do not recall as well as those I’ve read just this past week, so there’s inevitably going to be some skew to my comments. Add salt grain as desired. There are some books that didn’t make the rather slapdash cut, but for the most part I won’t bother finishing a book if it doesn’t pique sufficient interest-levels. This may make absolutely no difference to you. It may. I can’t imagine why it would.

Here are the lists.


“Must-Reads” (in absolutely no order whatsoever) and why you should read them, in 25 words or less (excluding quotes).Upside Down by Eduardo Galeano (non-fiction) : brilliant. Highlights the absurdities of our world. I picked it up because I was keen on the cover. Inside, it reads: “This book now constitutes a threat to the English-speaking world. That would not have been possible without the fervent complicity of Mark Fried, Tom Engelhardt, Susan Bergholz, Bert Snyder, and the Metropolitan editorial team. One day, they will have to answer for their deeds.”

The Girl With Curious Hair [and other stories] by David Foster Wallace : glowing and wild. Daring and quick. Stories for any state of mind, that can be re-read forever; puzzles whose pieces have been warped and camouflaged.

This Place on Earth by Alan Thein Durning (non-fiction) : extremely readable. One person’s attempt to piece together a sustainable relationship between humans and the earth. Earnest.

My Cousin, My Gastroenterologist by Mark Leyner : sentences that you would never expect to read and combinations of words that you would never, ever expect to see. Exquisitely fast and fun; brash. Read previous (and worthless) comments.

Trespassing by John Mitchell (non-fiction) : an impulsively anti-authoritarian take on property and the lines that draw it. Traces a fascinating history with entertaining and sometimes troublesome vignettes. Rambling and illuminating.

Beyond Growth by Herman E. Daly (non-fiction) : principles by which we might be expected to survive; read it and think. Some heavier economics, but with elegant explanations.

The Names by Don DeLillo : possibly my favorite DeLillo book. Evocative of Italo Calvino in a roundabout way. Mysterious and cool, violent and strangely quiet. Nearly perfect.

Americana by Don DeLillo : a strange kind of road trip. The best first novel I’ve ever read. Parallels, in some ways, Bret Easton Ellis’ Glamorama, written decades later.

Underworld by Don Delillo : a rich and involving novel, full of detail and texture. Unquestionably ambitious. Indescribably wonderful passages.

The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver : epic, sweeping, fantastic

Still Life With Woodpecker and Another Roadside Attraction, both by Tom Robbins : playful


Decent books. Commentary where available. Individual mileage may vary.

  • The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood : I kept expecting it to get better. What kept me going was the excellent writing and the ascerbic wit (sometimes exceedingly dry and subtle) underlying the entire narrative. (And the nested stories.) The book came to me used; I’m not sure I would have sought it out new.
  • Inamorata by Joseph Gangemi : see previous thoughts & comments.
  • Command, and I will follow by Alberto Moravia : Short stories translated into English from Italian (unless, of course, you find yourself reading the Italian). Fantastic.
  • King of Fish by David Montgomery (non-fiction) : a salmon tale; read past review.
  • Why I’m Like This by Cynthia Kaplan : immensely entertaining autobiographical short stories. Very worthwhile.
  • Found in the Street by Patricia Highsmith : well above and beyond average. A rather unexpected kind of suspense/mystery book. Atypically good. But not atypically enough to become a must-read.
  • Savage Inequalities by Jonathan Kozol (non-fiction) : While taken from experiences in the late 1980s and very early 90s, this book remains highly relevant to the state of highly unequal education in the US. Kozol isn’t a fantastic writer, but he has devastating insight and an eye for poignance.
  • Southwesterly Wind by Luiz Alfredo Garcia-Roza (March 2004) : an interesting, low-key murder mystery of a slightly unusual sort. Set in Brazil. A curious resolution.
  • Hot Plastic by Peter Craig (March 2004) : Decent. A fiery start winds down as the book draws on and the plot thickens. The thickening is irregular, like lumpy gravy, but the story is relatively fast-paced and exciting.
  • Beulah Land by Krista McGruder : short stories, some of them intriguing, others, not so much. I liked the first half (give or take) much more than the tail-end of the book.
  • Thinking Ecologically by Marian Chertow, Daniel Esty, eds. (non-fiction) : a collection of essays (essentially) written by different authors, it’s only reasonable that some of these pieces are more interesting than others. At times academic and dry, there are still numerous nuggets of wisdom in this green-covered book.
  • The Body Artist by Don Delillo : my least favorite DeLillo book, and not a place to start if you haven’t read other DeLillo. Still enjoyable, though.
  • Neon Bible by John Kennedy Toole : disappointing, given the spectacular Confederacy of Dunces experience. To be able to put things into context, however, you should know that Toole wrote Neon Bible at the age of sixteen. For this, NB is extraordinary. It’s a short, quick read, and mildly entertaining at that. Not something to seek out at the far corners of the globe, but a nice read in the dentist’s waiting room.
  • Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas by Tom Robbins – I found the narration not too gimmicky (nor too distracting), but others might disagree. Read the first three pages (or so) and you should more or less be able to figure out which camp you belong to.
  • The Chalice and the Blade by Riane Eisler (non-fiction)
  • Mao II by Don Delillo
  • Culture of Fear by Barry Glassner (non-fiction) : Oh, the things we fear. Illustrates the disconnect between what we fear and what’s likely to happen.
  • Men in Black by Scott Spencer : an oddly entertaining book, I’m not sure why.
  • Players by Don Delillo
  • End Zone by Don Delillo : there are few occasions when I expect to find myself reading a book about (or at least involving) football. This is one of them.
  • Perpetual War for Perpetual Peace and other essays by Gore Vidal (non-fiction)
  • Libra by Don Delillo
  • Running Dog by Don Delillo

Coming later: movie ratings and other crap.

2004

The year draws to a close, even though it’s just another way of adding segmentation to a river: a little curious, maybe a little vain, but at least it’s something that allows us to keep on with the pretense that we know what we’re doing. Another line in the laughably egocentric ledger of human progress. The year 2003 becomes 2004, and there’s no question about it. We are going forward. There is progress. We are in a new age. We can laugh at all those things we didn’t know, or we can cry, sputter. We impose linearity on a chaotic process, developments on which we have a massive impact without exactly understanding how or why.